


Hide My Soul

by flightlessnerds



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Crossdressing, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, Gender Confusion, Insecurity, Josh is an angel, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-02
Updated: 2016-07-02
Packaged: 2018-07-19 14:06:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7364467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flightlessnerds/pseuds/flightlessnerds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Actually, </i>Tyler thought to himself, <i>I look really good. </i>Not for one minute had this felt strange or wrong. It felt like he had finally found his perfect size after wearing the wrong one for his whole life, or something. </p><p>In which Josh walks in on Tyler trying on a new skirt and tights, and Tyler thinks he's ruined everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hide My Soul

**Author's Note:**

> Russian Translation: [[x](https://ficbook.net/readfic/4935625)]

Tyler couldn’t believe he was about to do this, on the tour bus of all places. But the outfit had been sitting in his duffel since he bought it last weekend, and now was the opportune moment. Everyone else had left to get food, and he was finally alone. Originally, Josh had made noises about staying along with Tyler when he had said he didn’t want to go, but Tyler had quickly encouraged him to leave with the others. It’s not that he didn’t trust his boyfriend, but he definitely wasn’t ready to have him around for… this. Their relationship was still too new, and Tyler couldn’t help but think he would be freaked out. _I mean, who wouldn’t be?_ he thought. Even Tyler was still a little freaked out to go through with this. 

He reached into his duffel and pulled out the black paper shopping bag that he had gotten from the Forever 21. The cashier had been surprisingly understanding - he had been prepared to make an excuse about a wife or a girlfriend or something, but the girl behind the counter had seen that the clothes were in his size and put two and two together. She even asked him if he needed a fitting room, but he had just blushed and said it was fine, before paying as quickly as possible and booking it out of the mall. 

He pulled out the tights first. He had worn plenty of leggings before, but never tights or stockings. He felt a thrill go through his body as he pulled apart the black patterned nylon. This was going to be cramped - he only had the space of the aisle between the bunks to dress himself - but he had to move quickly if he wanted to get everything on and look at himself in the mirror before the others came back. 

Slipping out of his skinny jeans, he sat down on the edge of one of the lower bunks and began to roll the tights on over his briefs. He realized that he hadn’t thought to buy any panties, which he was now regretting. It was harder to get them on than he thought it would be, but after a lot of pulling and twisting, he managed to get them up all the way. Even without the mirror, he could tell that he liked them. They were black and had crisscrossing patterns on them, but were sheer enough that some of his tanned skin showed through. He loved how smooth they made his legs feel.

He took out the skirt next. It was high-waisted, loosely pleated, and a dark shade of indigo. He wasn’t sure whether he was supposed to slip into it or pull it over his head; the only time he had ever worn a skirt before was the dumb greenscreen one for the House of Gold music video, and some costume assistant had just wrapped that around him. He considered the skirt for a while, and then opted for stepping into it, pulling it snugly around his ribs and zipping it up. It fit tightly around his thin frame, and fell about halfway down his nylon-clad thigh. 

As soon as he had the tights and skirt on, he wanted to put on the shoes - but he forced himself to wait, and took out the blouse instead. This was what he had been most excited about in the store. It was pretty simple: a short sleeved top, white, with thin black stripes, and made of thick, stretchy material. It had a high, straight neckline that clung to Tyler’s collar bones, and allowed for just the tips of his geometric tattoos to peek out. Finally, it tucked into the band of his skirt, giving him the slight illusion of a waistline, instead of the straight, masculine line of his chest and hips. He pulled a loose, drapey, black cardigan over it, which fell down even lower than the hem of his skirt. 

_This is such a hipster girl outfit,_ thought Tyler, and the idea made him grin and blush to himself. 

The last two things in the bag were the shoes - black strappy ankle boots with short pointy heels - and a long necklace that he had seen at the register and thrown in because why the hell not. He might as well go all out. He pulled on the final accessories, slid on the shoes, and took a breath. He was dressed. 

He moved slowly to the bathroom area, keeping his eyes down purposefully so that he didn’t see himself in the mirror before he was ready. Josh - always conscious of his appearance - had gotten this full length mirror screwed onto the bathroom wall just days after they had gotten the tour bus, and Tyler remembered teasing him mercilessly for it at the time, but now he felt a surge of gratitude as he lifted his eyes. 

Woah. 

As soon as Tyler caught sight of himself, a blush rose to his cheeks. The material of the shirt was tight and stretchy enough that it clung comfortably to his flat chest, and wasn’t awkwardly baggy like he had anticipated. The cardigan followed the shape of his skirt, making his hips look curvier and more prominent than they really were. He couldn’t shake the notion that he really did look straight out of a hipster girl’s tumblr selfie - which gave him an idea. 

Walking back to his bunk, he grabbed his phone and opened the camera. Resisting the feeling that he was being dumb, he held it out as far in front of him as he could, capturing most of his torso and his neck. He snapped a few shots of his outfit from different angles, and then moved up to his face, fluffing his hair so it stuck up in a way he liked - and in the way he knew Josh liked. Maybe some day he would get the courage to show him these pictures, and he wanted to look as good as possible in them. 

_Actually,_ Tyler thought to himself, _I look really good._ Not for one minute had this felt strange or wrong. It felt like he had finally found his perfect size after wearing the wrong one for his whole life, or something. 

“Tyler?”

He whirled around at the gentle voice behind him. Josh was standing frozen in the doorway to the bunk area, holding two cans of yoohoo, with an unreadable expression on his face. 

“Oh God,” Tyler croaked out, before launching himself into the bathroom and locking the door. He sat down on the toilet and rubbed the heels of his hands into his eyes. Josh had seen him in the outfit. In girls’ clothes. There was no taking this back, no pretending that it hadn’t happened. The best that he could hope for was that Josh would just act as if everything was normal, and they could go back to the way that everything was before. 

He heard a soft knock on the door. 

“Josh, just please go away. Please just forget about this, I promise it won’t happen again,” Tyler mumbled.

“Tyler, no.” Josh’s voice was soft but firm. “I want you to come out, okay? We can talk about this. I want to talk about it.” 

Tyler felt like he knew where that conversation would lead. Tyler would tell Josh that he liked the way he looked in girl’s clothes, and that would probably be the end of their relationship. Maybe even their friendship. He knew Josh loved him and that he was kind - probably the kindest person in the world - but even Tyler couldn’t ask him to accept this. It was too much.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” said Tyler, and was surprised to find himself verging on tears. “Like I said, I promise I won’t do it anymore. I can get rid of the clothes, even.” 

The sliding lock of the door wriggled as Josh tried to open it. 

“Tyler…” he began again. “Can you just come out so I can see the fricken outfit? I didn’t get a good enough look before, and I really like it. Okay? Come on.” 

Tyler raised his head off his hands, certain that he hadn’t heard right. 

“Are you just going to laugh at me or something?” he said through the tears that had finally started to fall before he could help it. 

“God no, Tyler,” said Josh through the door. “I would never laugh at you for this. Come on, please. Let me see my beautiful boyfriend.” 

Slowly, Tyler rose, and unlatched the door, stepping out into the bunk area but keeping his eyes on Josh’s shoes in front of him. He felt a calloused hand gently cup his chin, pulling his face up to meet Josh’s gaze. 

“Hi,” breathed Josh.

“Hi,” Tyler mumbled back, reaching a hand up to wipe away some of his tears.

“Why are you crying, baby boy?” Josh asked gently, stroking Tyler’s cheeks with the pads of his thumbs. “There’s nothing to cry about. I think you look amazing. So pretty in those clothes.” 

Tyler sniffed, and clung to the front of Josh’s shirt. “Really?” he said, his voice breaking as he tried and failed to keep his breathing even. 

Josh looked him in the eye and nodded. “Truly,” he said, moving one hand under Tyler’s cardigan to rub soft circles on his back. “But more importantly, Ty… do you like them? Does it make you feel good to wear them?” 

Tyler hesitated, and then nodded slowly. 

Josh beamed. “Then I love them. I think we should for sure go back to the store and get you more.” 

And that’s when Tyler finally lost it. He was crying in earnest now, wrapping his arms around Josh’s neck and burying his tear-covered face into the crook of his shoulder. 

“I love you, I love you,” he sobbed into Josh’s neck, and that just made Josh pull him even closer, wrapping his arms around him as he shook. 

“I love you too, Ty, so much.” Josh whispered, his lips pressed to Tyler’s ear. “You have no idea.” 

They stood there for a few more minutes, as Josh waited for Tyler’s crying to slow down, all the while holding him close and running his fingers through Tyler’s hair. Eventually, he was just sniffling, and Josh could hear that while his breaths were still shaky, they were steady. 

“Let’s lie down in my bunk, baby boy,” he suggested. “I just want to keep holding you, okay?” 

Tyler nodded. He would never admit it out loud, but hearing Josh call him baby boy made him feel safer than anything else in the world. 

He kicked off his shoes as Josh rolled onto the bunk, opening his arms for Tyler to climb into. He let Josh pull him into his chest, before reaching down and taking his hand, threading their fingers together. Josh brought their hands up to his lips, kissing each of Tyler’s knuckles gently. Tyler just watched him, noticing the way his eyelids fluttered as his lips moved over their clasped hands. 

“So, Ty,” said Josh, still playing with Tyler’s hands between them. Tyler thought he looked hesitant all of a sudden, like he wasn’t sure what to say. “Does this… I mean… did you want…” he broke off. “I guess I’m trying to ask if you want… um. If you want me to like, call you something else now? Like… other pronouns, I guess?” 

“Oh,” said Tyler, blushing. “Um.” He would be lying if he said he hadn’t given it thought, but he had always come down to the conclusion that he was just a guy who sometimes didn’t feel like looking like a guy. So that meant he didn’t have to change anything, right?”

“No,” he decided. “You can still call me a guy and stuff.” 

“Okay,” said Josh, and then again, smiling, “Okay.” 

Tyler rested his head against his boyfriend’s shoulder - his amazing, perfect, understanding boyfriend. 

“But Josh?” he whispered. 

“Yeah?”

“That, um… that might… change, at some point,” he gulped. “I don’t know. Would that be okay?” 

Josh pulled him even closer, so their foreheads touched. “Of course that would be okay Tyler. Whatever makes you happy. I really mean that, you know?”

And Tyler knew.

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like there are a hundred versions of this fic with Tyler walking in on Josh, but not the other way around? And whenever you have Ty "cross-dressing" in a fic it’s in a sexual way? So i wanted him to get his fair share of gender exploration and fluffiness.


End file.
